To Misuse and Abuse
by just-passing-time
Summary: One shots revolving around the different uses of true names.
1. To Abuse Ones Love

I felt the power of my true name weigh me down as soon as the words had left her mouth, the effects instantaneous. My limbs became heavy, and my first and foremost thought was to do as my beloved willed without question. I'd have no choice but to follow through with anything she asked of me, even if I didn't want to with ever fibre in my being.

I was powerless.

I charged against the cages of my mind, but I could do nothing. My true name was for only the gods to know but I'd entrusted her with my own. For that I was a love-struck fool.

"Please," I urged quietly, "Anything but this."

Her eyes were hard and set; the ever present steely determination clear. She opened her mouth to follow through with her command. I knew what was coming and I didn't intend to let her follow through with it.

I clamped my hand over her mouth, the meagre action alone taking all of my will power. I pressed down with all my might, she couldn't say it, and I wouldn't let her.

With wide eyes, she scratched at my wrists, trying to pry my hand from over her mouth. My strength was greater than hers though, and I was more determined; I had more to lose. My hand was so forcefully that I felt her gasping desperately for air. I knew better than to let go. Too much was on the line to let go.

I looked deep within her eyes, pulling her closer to me now, willing her to give in and leave well enough alone.

As always, she didn't waver; kicking and scratching wildly.

I couldn't let go. Not until I knew that she wouldn't use my true name against me. We'd come this far, we'd been through so much…

With sudden horror, I realised that I was hurting her. Her usually sharp and equally bright yellow eyes were loosing their focus and her attempts at being freed were loosing their previously wild ferocity.

With shaking hands I released her, her well being was more important than anything. I pulled away rigidly, hiding my hands in shame. They stung, having been burnt upon contact with her skin, as they always did.

She fell to her hands and knees, no longer being supported by my grip, and immediately gasped for air, heaving with each hungry intake. Still somewhat out of breath, she looked up from under her mass of long golden hair; a cascade of silken waves that framed her angelic features.

All she had to show after our long and dangerous trip through this hell was her featherless wings, once magnificent and full. They'd been reduced to nothing more than two long sinewy bones. They sprouted from her back; the cold weather of Cania having damaged them beyond repair.

Despite all this, she was beautiful to me; a being of pure goodness. She was an assimar; part human, part angel. In some senses, her blood was the complete opposite to my own.

And this showed.

I couldn't touch her without my flesh burning. Numerous scars from previous times I'd caressed her skin as she slept and held her hand eagerly as we hiked through snow storms littered my pail skin. I was, after all, a supposed being of evil and chaos. It was in my blood, just as divine goodness was in hers. She was my weakness.

"I command you to---" she paused, gasping for more air.

I stepped back, shaking my head roughly as I held my injured hands to my chest.

"I love you, my lady," I uttered hopelessly, "With all my heart."

It would be the last time I'd say it and feel that swell of emotion backing up each and every word. The last time my very heart would constrict and skip a beat. The last time I'd yearn for her in every way a man could for a woman.

Tears escaped unchecked form the corner of my eyes, the salty tang reaching my lips and alerting me of their presence.

She stood motionless, her eyes expressing her renewed determination. My beloved was encased, as always, in a golden glow of light, standing out against the colourless landscape of Cania and making her seem all the more god-like.

She didn't see any other way, this was clear in her eyes.

Knowing what was to come, I looked away from her, down to the cool, unchanging white snow.

"I command you to stop loving me, Valen Shadowbreath," her voice was gritty, unwavering.

Nothing seemed to change. I felt no different.

I released a breath I did not know I was holding, and felt my heart leap in hope at first. There didn't seem to be any change. Maybe she couldn't command this of me. Maybe even my true name wasn't enough.

Tears still fresh in my glistening eyes; I looked up at her again. Her stature rigid and her jaw set, she seemed like a statue of stone, were it not for her gleaming eyes that tried to hide behind her billowing mask of hair I may well have mistaken her for one.

With an internal howl of anguish upon laying my eyes on her again I realised that everything had changed in but a heart beat.

She'd had her wish.

I took in every inch of her, willing myself to feel something more. My love of her felt like nothing but a distant memory. Even with her right before me, I felt like I was alone. She was foreign to me.

I knew that I'd loved her; I understood what she'd just done, but my mind kept telling me that she was naught but a travelling companion, someone to help me escape from this hell and nothing more. I didn't feel the need to protect her, I didn't feel pain at the very thought of leaving her side, I didn't feel unexplainable happiness simply being in her presence. I didn't feel anything for her. She was _nothing_.

I wiped my dampened cheeks roughly with the back of my sleeve, my dry eyes all the while on her, unwavering.

Her large eyes were now a dulled yellow, borderline grey, and her eyebrows curved downwards in a deep frown.

"It was the only way," she said.

Her voice broke in uncertainty, and I immediately understood that she was reassuring herself, not me. Upon this realisation I bore my teeth disgustedly at her weakness.

"No," I growled roughly. "It wasn't."

I felt the sudden urge to leave her in this godforsaken plane. She'd just betrayed my trust in every way possible. I didn't have to stay with her. She was no longer anything special to me, of that I was certain. She'd made absolute sure of that.

I'd be giving her what she wanted. She wouldn't be cursed with me; her counter-part. She'd no longer feel responsible for causing me pain every time she looked at me.

No, I wouldn't have wanted this. A few minutes ago I would have rather died than leave her side and be away from her. No matter the situation.

_Any life with you is enough for me. _

I remember those words so clearly now, uttered by me upon her initial rejection of my love. I'd kissed her on the forehead, burning my lips with the quick action. I remember the pain of her unreturned feelings had been worse than any burn she could ever inflict.

Despite this all, I'd meant those words. _Any_ life with her would be better than one without.

Yet, despite it all, she'd seen how she'd hurt me, hating herself for it.

I'd seen the guilt in her eyes, the pain that I caused her when I thoughtlessly went out of my way to protect her at my own cost in battles. I was selfish, but it had been worth it for those rare moments in her company that she would talk to me like she used to back before I'd changed our relationship with those three stupid words.

She thought she was freeing me now, releasing me of my love of her. She thought that if I didn't love her I could go on with my own life, that I could be my own man.

What she didn't understand was that she was all I had. I didn't have any greater purpose. I didn't know what to do without her. She's made me into the man I was today. I'd been happy just having what little we'd had together.

She was the selfish one now; being rid of me just so that she could get rid of the guilt she felt every time I kissed her cheek when waking her for her watch, every time I took a hit for her in battle, every time I slipped and accidentally caller her _my love._

We were both selfish.

I gritted my teeth, my blood still boiling in anger at what she'd done. Sighing, I said the only thing I could say.

"We'd best be off, my lady," I uttered simply.

I turned from her pointedly, motioning towards the Gate Keeper's dimension.

There was a stoic moment of silence from her, the only sound being that of the whistling wind. She didn't take long to break it.

"Why?"

She called ahead to me, the wind carrying her bewildered voice. She was clearly shocked that I was not donning to simply leave her now that I was "free". She hadn't counted on that. But then again, neither had I.

I didn't turn to face her.

"Any life with you is enough for me," I replied evenly.

I didn't feel the same rush of raw emotion I remembered feeling the last time I'd uttered those words. Through it all, however, I felt something all too familiar swell beneath the surface, just waiting to be set free.

I'd simply have to fall in love with her all over again.


	2. To Abuse Ones Blood

_**To Abuse Ones Blood**_

I felt the power of my true name subside and leave me, allowing me to gain full control of my limbs once more.

A small gasp brought my attention back to the wielder of my true name. Her innocently bright green eyes were wide, expressing a mix of wonder, surprise, and worst of all; fear.

I stood up to my full height once more, able to move now that she wasn't controlling me with my true name. I took a hesitant step towards her.

Something must have gone wrong. She did something wrong. I… I didn't feel any different. I still didn't feel human.

"Valen," she started; her voice angelic. "Your eyes, they're---"

I knew what she was trying to say, the fear in her own eyes told me everything I needed to know. Nothing had changed. My eyes were still tainted red, expressing the anger I now felt at her failed attempt to free me. Nothing was different.

What she intended to be a gift, was nothing but a curse that she could never undo.

"Try it again," I commanded gruffly.

I took a heavy step towards her, causing her to immediately take a step back. She still feared me. Nothing had changed. She tried to open her mouth to say something, but her lips were frozen in fear. Nothing was different.

"Something must have gone wrong," I growled. "I still feel the same. Try it again."

She stuttered at first, fearful of my reaction.

"M-my love," she started.

I noticed it immediately; when she said '_my love'_, there wasn't the same meaningful intensity behind those words as there used to be. I saw it in her eyes, in the set of her jaw; uttering those words to me was like a curse to her.

I took another step towards her, reaching forwards and placing a hand on each of her petite shoulders. She flinched at my touch.

I dug my fingers into her shoulders forcefully, "What went wrong? Why didn't it work?"

She flinched away, trying to wriggle free from my grasp. She seemed so weak, so pitiful.

"Why can't you remove my demon taint?" I shouted this time.

Her eyes shone as she fought back tears of pain, and her bottom lip quivered.

Why did she do this to me? Give me hope of a better life as a free man, only to rip it away?

Then, she whispered those terrible words, backing up my worst fears.

"It _did_ work. You're free of your demon taint, Valen. You're human."

I released my tight grip on her shoulders, pushing her away roughly. She stumbled back, falling to the snow covered floor.

She's lying, she must be lying. Nothing had changed. I should be free. I should be… should be better; worthy of her love. But I was the same. Nothing was different.

I knew I was lying to myself. I knew she was right.

My whole life I'd blamed my bad decisions and anger on my demonic blood. I'd divided my being into two halves; my human half, and my demon half, one good, and the other unquestionably evil and chaotic.

All along, it had all been _me. _All those bad decisions, all that anger, all that destruction and death, all that pain I'd inflicted upon my beloved before me. All of that had been me.

The taint of demonic blood was gone and all that was left was the human, but I was still the same. Nothing had changed. I had nothing to blame my actions on but myself. I wasn't any different to before.

I looked down at the woman whom I thought loved me, and realisation hit me. She'd only loved the part of me that I'd claimed was the human half; she'd hated the demonic side.

Her large cat-like eyes, ever expressive, uncovered my deepest, darkest fears. When I looked into her eyes now, they mirrored the pity and disgust I felt, replacing the love, acceptance, understanding, and trust that I knew I was never to be blessed with again.

"Don't look at me like that!" I yelled.

She tensed, prepared should I attack her. I didn't blame her; I'd done it before. Not my demon; _me. _

I growled deep within my throat, a habit that I wasn't about to lose anytime soon. I gripped at my blood-red hair, tugging at it in anger, my eyes all the while searching hers frantically for some sign to show that she still loved me.

She lay in the snow; her closely cropped brown hair exposed her frost-bitten elven ears. She'd had to cut her once beautiful hair after I'd ripped most of it right from her head in a show of anger. I'd been furious upon realizing that she was planning on sending me back to the Gatehouse whilst she continued ahead alone. I'd blamed my out burst on my demonic blood.

Now I knew that it was my fault and mine alone. Everyone had control of their actions, regardless of the blood within their veins. I was no exception.

Despite all this, she was beautiful to me. A wonderful being that I had never believed I deserved and never believe would love me. I had been right.

"Please Valen," she whispered meekly. "Leave. Before you do something you'll regret."

Her words, though of good intent, stung. She knew what this was doing to me, this sudden realisation. She knew I loved her, despite it all. And she knew that she could never love me… would never love me …had never loved me. It had just taken us both this long to come to the realisation.

I lent before her, grasping the front of her fine elven cloak within a tight one-handed grip. With ease, I pulled her up so that her face was close to my own. I familiarly noticed her cringe at the sight of my eyes; always red.

I needed to hear it. She needed to say it. Then I'd leave, she'd never have to see me again.

"Tell me you hate me," I wished of her.

Her eyes, pain stricken, shone. She shook her head, holding her breath.

"Say it!" I repeated.

I shook her roughly, as if she were but a ragdoll. It took all my will to stop. When I did, I saw her cheeks were soaked with tears. She was such a kind being, she was so innocent. Here I was knowingly causing pain to the woman I claimed to love.

When she finally spoke, her voice broke with the onslaught of tears; she shook her head, willing them back.

"I hate you," she whispered in a hiss.

Her voice, usually so sweet, was laced with stinging acidic venom.

I released her, watching her with pain filled eyes as she fell back into the snow. This was what I wanted, this was what I needed.

"I hate you," she repeated, louder this time.

I silently thanked her for releasing me, but no matter what she did it would never stop the pain.

Her voice rose to a near shout when she said it again. "I hate you, Valen Shadowbreath."

I turned away from her and, without a moments thought, ran. With heavy feet I dragged myself away, each step harder than the last.

The demon wasn't _part_ of me; it _was_ me.

I allowed the snow to engulf me as I ran from the woman whom had made me a human, but could never make me a man.

* * *

Okay, I'll get around to abusing someone elses true name now.


End file.
